I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
