Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
