If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
