well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
