your thong is hanging out like whoa
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So squirting runs in the family.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
