i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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