i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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