Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
