there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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