Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
