he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
