she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
its not stalking. its research.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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