peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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