my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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