spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dignity is for republicans.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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