farters have to be the big spoon...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
