Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
