why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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