After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
