Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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