just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
