and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
