Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
