Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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