We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
