rhymes with "ouble enetration"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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