just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
