I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
