Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
