I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
porn star boner night. come get it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
false alarm, still single
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
