From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
not ubering you a puppy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
