Don't you send me to vm
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
