she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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