So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
