Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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