The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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