I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize