We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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