I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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