I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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