I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
