I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
