you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
