the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
