Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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