She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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