Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
