I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
