FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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