does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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