if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
