Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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