her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
