We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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