he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
