idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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