you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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