i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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