Who wears a wallet chain?!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
