Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
