I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize