I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
