I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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