We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
