I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
