I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
