mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
