The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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