I just cut my nipple shaving
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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