Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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