I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
