and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
