I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
