Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
