I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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