The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
