____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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